I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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