Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
