End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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