Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
