there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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