did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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