Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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