i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
