Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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