you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize