i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
