Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
