its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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