You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
