I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
