He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
