so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
