Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
