I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
