you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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