We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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