uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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