i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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