The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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