my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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