he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
