I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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