Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
