just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
