Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love having hate sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
