I think im going to throw up on grandma
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
