Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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