I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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