He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
