Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
