When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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