I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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