The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize