Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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