Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
