redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
