just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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