we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
