If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
