Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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