I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
