my sisters under your porch take her home
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is this the sara with the beer cane?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
