Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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