census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
