My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
