so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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