11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
