My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
