So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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