Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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