At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
