we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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