I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
