i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
