Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
