just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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