after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize