it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The best revenge is premature balding
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize