We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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