Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
