also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
