She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize