you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
