Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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