started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize