4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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